I thought I’d take a break today from all things book and author-related. On that note, here’s a (hopefully) amusing post about different types of bosses. It’s one I wrote for an old web site of mine, but never posted. And since it’s October, the theme is, of course, Halloween!
The Different Types of Ghoulish Bosses
When dealing with difficult bosses, it helps to know which type you’re up against. In honor of Halloween, I’ve divided bad bosses into several categories. Is your abusive employer a . . .
–Ghost? Constantly hovering over your work, this transparent specter is never gone until he/she has micromanaged the life out of every mundane task. They’re often heard whispering in your ear, or stalking you via Blackberry or e-mail. You feel their presence in a cold, creepy way . . . one that lets you know you’re never truly alone.
–Zombie? On a endless quest for fresh brains, this bad boss will pick yours until all good ideas are gone. They they’ll claim credit for ‘em! Never one to express an original thought, your employer blindly follows ill-advised superiors, pointless regimens, and dead-end trends. Once all the good brains are eaten, these bosses may fire victimized employees. This is so they can seek new hires, munching on their craniums until all knowledge within has been heartily consumed.
–Vampire? How many times have you said to yourself, “My boss sucks?” She may be an undead creature of the night. Does she constantly complain about her personal problems, going on and on about minor, insignificant troubles? Devoid of any and all positive energy, the vampire boss feeds on yours. This can leave you exhausted and overwhelmed. Signs of a vampire boss include feeling emotionally drained, apathetic towards life, and having two fang marks on the side of your neck.
–Or is your boss just a demon? A completely evil entity who, to paraphrase Joss Whedon, “crawled up out of hell and into a human body?” Demonic in the extreme, they seek to destroy every innocent soul in their path. This can be through berating, criticizing, or just plain firing. Your only recourse is to a) quit, or b) hire the local priest to perform an exorcism. Frankly, I recommend just getting the hell out of there.
Which type of these bosses do you have, if any? Or is yours a new, multifaceted monster, like Frankenstein? Let me know in the comments!
(P.S. And since this is an author/book blog, I know literary types are probably reading it. To them, I have this message: yes, I’m aware that “Frankenstein” was the name of the scientist, not the monster, in Mary Shelley’s novel).
(top image by vancouverfilmschool)